trust and love....

I am learning to trust.  Myself.
I am learning to love.  Myself.

I remember a time - not so long ago, as recently as 8 months ago even - when I could just be myself.  This is who I am.  Take it or leave it.  Period.  I had a strong social support network of friends who loved me for who I was.

To clarify, the strong social support network of friends who loved me - still exists, they still love me.  I feel many of these relationships have become stronger.  In the last months, I have been able to open up more and trust them more.  I have become more true to myself and more true to those close to me.

So what has changed?  Where is this constant insecurity coming from?  How do I overcome it?

To clarify again, I am still just myself.  My personality is not one that allows me to hide my feelings.  I can try to hide my thoughts for some time, but they will always come out sooner than later.  What is changed is my take it or leave it attitude.

I care more than ever to say the right thing and to do the right thing.  I feel a need to be perfect.  I feel a need to be able to anticipate others' definitions of perfect in a situation - and then to fill that mould. 

They love me for me.  They want me to give opinion as it is mine, and to act as I feel I should.  These are things that make me the person that I am.  These are why they love and appreciate me.  And yet... I am continually second guessing myself.

How do I learn to let go? 

I want to trust myself again.
I my unwavering confidence back.

M